Years ago, I saw a deeply troubling encounter at a large department store that changed me forever .
Long story short, I was waiting in the checkout line to buy a new digital camera, when a woman in front of me started verbally attacking the young cashier over something trivial.
It’s hard to explain in this post how awful she was to this young man, but please trust that her outburst was absolutely vicious.
Specifically, she was raising her voice, cursing at this cashier nonstop, and calling him horrific names.
Just so you know, I’m definitely not shy around colorful language, but how she was talking to him was way over the top by anyone’s standards. Not to mention, this woman probably was old enough to be the cashier’s mom.
Even worse, while this entire abusive episode unfolded, his manager cowardly stood in silence and did nothing. I’ve seen dogs at firework shows that exhibited more courage than that manager did on that day.
Then again, I certainly wasn’t a profile in courage either.
I was also there watching all of that awfulness, and similar to the manager, I also stood in silence and did nothing.
Unfortunately, it gets worse.
After finishing some additional errands, I returned to my car in the parking lot 30 minutes later. And right next to where I was parked, I found that same cashier sobbing uncontrollably alone in his car.
And still…I did nothing.
My silence haunts me to this day.
Here’s what I’ve learned since then: Staying neutral in the face of unkindness isn’t “minding my own business”, it’s being complicit.
We often stay silent because we don’t want to make waves. We fear retaliation. We think it’s not our place. We hope someone else will step up.
Here’s what I know now:
👉🏾 Your silence is your consent.
👉🏾 Your comfort is not worth someone else’s pain.
👉🏾 Most of all, no one is coming to save the day–it has to be you.
The temporary discomfort of speaking up is nothing compared to the permanent shame of staying silent.
To be clear, I didn’t need to get into a screaming match with that woman in the middle of a busy department store.
Instead, it would have been so easy just to check on the cashier and ask, “hey man, I saw what happened in the store earlier. Are you ok?”
But unfortunately, I failed that test on that day. The good news is that I haven’t failed many similar tests since, and I want to ensure that you don’t either.
Since you’re still reading this, here’s my kindness challenge for you. Actually, I have four of them:
1️. Take action when you witness unkindness.
2️. Stand up for what’s right, even when it’s hard.
3️. Notice where you’re choosing comfort over courage.
4️. Remember that you have way more power than you think.
Most of all, remember that it is always safer to stand up for kindness and love than it will ever be to remain neutral.
(And yes, this message is especially timely these days.)
There is no power in your silence, but thankfully, your voice has the power to change the world ❤️.