I need to set the record straight on one of the most polarizing (and also, one of the most misunderstood) words in existence:
Forgiveness.
I’ve had some pretty awful things happen in my life that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone (if you read my latest book Civil Unity you know what I’m talking about). Still though, that doesn’t make me unique. I’m confident that if you’re reading these words, you’ve been there too.
Forgiveness is an intentional decision to let go of resentment, vengeance and anger toward a person (or the people) who harmed you. It’s not an understatement to say this is a mental health enhancing move.
First though–allow me to correct some widely-held beliefs about forgiveness:
1. Forgiveness Does NOT Mean Condoning What Happened to You:
What happened to you was not OK, and you never have to (and it could be argued that you shouldn’t) reach a point where you are fine with what happened to you.
2. Forgiveness is NOT About Releasing the Person From Accountability:
Contrary to popular belief, you can forgive someone while testifying against them in a court of law, if necessary.
3. Forgiveness is NOT a Sign of Weakness:
I can’t think of anything stronger (or more courageous) than the excruciating labor of intentionally releasing negative feelings toward a person after being deeply harmed. Forgiveness is not for the weak.
4. Forgiveness Does NOT Require Reconciliation:
You can forgive someone while simultaneously deciding that you want to maintain healthy boundaries by permanently removing that person from your life.
5. Forgiveness is NOT a One-Time Act:
This is an on-going deal, unfortunately. Just when you think you’ve moved past your pain, something could happen to re-trigger you and you’re emotionally back where you started. In other words, forgiveness is more like a dial than a switch.
Most of all, forgiveness is about freedom.
👉🏾 Freedom to reclaim our peace, sanity and happiness
👉🏾 Freedom from having that person live rent-free in our minds
👉🏾 Freedom from being consumed with resentment and vengeance
As the saying goes, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Thankfully, there is a better choice…but unfortunately, it involves some of the hardest work we’ll ever encounter in our lives.
When you’re ready to engage in this work, your freedom will be waiting for you on the other side ❤️.