Do you know what makes a relationship or a person toxic? I do. More importantly, I know what to do about it.
First though, let me be clear about what I mean by “toxic”, because that term is often wildly overused.
I’m not talking about someone having a bad day or going through a rough patch. We all have moments when we’re not at our best (myself, definitely included).
However, if you’ve determined that a person’s continued presence in your life is causing you mental or emotional harm (obviously, being harmed physically is an entirely different story), then it’s likely you’re in a toxic relationship.
In my (unfortunately, extensive) experience with toxic people in both my personal and professional life, I’ve compiled a list of six toxic patterns to watch out for:
1. They drain your energy every time you interact with them.
2. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions, blame others for everything and never apologize.
3. They’re chronically negative, pessimistic and reject any attempt at finding solutions.
4. They disrespect your boundaries repeatedly.
5. They create drama wherever they go.
6. They make you feel worse about yourself after spending time with them.
My mantra for dealing with these folks is simple: Some people need to be loved from a distance.
I know that sounds harsh, especially if we’re talking about family members or longtime friends, so let me address the guilt that often comes with this decision.
Many of us were raised to believe that we should tolerate bad behavior from family or longtime friends because “that’s just how they are” or “blood is thicker than water.”
But if we’re being consistently harmed by their actions, and if we care about our overall well being, then we have to stop excusing their behavior.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is create boundaries—and more importantly, consequences—for harmful behavior. Contrary to popular belief, true kindness also requires holding people accountable.
If nothing else, remember this:
Your mental health matters.
Your peace matters.
And most of all, your ability to show up fully for the people who do treat you well matters.
Choose wisely, my friend ❤️.