Years ago, I loved nothing more than being the center of attention.
There was an inexplicable rush of excitement that came with being the life of the party, the guy whose name was on everyone’s lips, and the guy who had everyone’s undivided attention at all times.
There’s an important (and, sad) twist to this story, though.
Pathetically, those things mattered to me so much that I was too blind and too self-unaware to realize that I was NONE of the things that I just described above. 💀
(To call that period of my life “cringeworthy” would be too kind of an assessment.)
Looking back on it now though, I have a deep empathy for my younger self.
I have come to accept that as an adult, my brain will always be shared by the broken childhood bullying target of my earlier years.
And years ago, that sad, bullied kid pleaded with my adult self to chase after the attention that would finally grant me the “cool kid” status that has eluded me my entire life.
So, I started chasing.
I chased after a slick luxury car, and got it.
I chased after a prestigious title at work, and got it.
I chased after living in a fancy West Los Angeles zip code, and got it.
I chased after having six-pack abs, and, umm…it’s still a work in progress.
Unfortunately, all of my surface-level “success” came with a painful realization.
After all of my frantic collecting of the stuff needed to be one of the cool kids, I discovered that nothing about me was cool at all.
Worse than that, as an unintended bonus in my chase for attention, I was rewarded with something that I wasn’t chasing at all:
Emptiness.
Not that you need me to tell you this, but there’s nothing “cool” or “positive” about emptiness, believe me. Clearly, a change needed to be made.
So I made that change. And in the process, I made a shift that changed how I work, live and lead.
I decided to choose influence over attention.
In other words–instead of focusing on the attention I needed to fill the emotional voids in my life, I focused on the value I could give to others to help them close some of the voids in their lives.
And now, while my “coolness” is certainly debatable (just ask my teenage daughters), thankfully, I’ve found the courage to live authentically in my old age.
And, if doing so inspires one person to do the same, to me, that’s the only influence that truly matters ❤️.