I need to address something that’s been bugging me lately.
I keep hearing this from friends, colleagues, even family members: “I’m too nice for my own good” or “my problem is that I’m just too nice to people.”
The issue isn’t about being too nice. The real issue is about being nice instead of being kind—and there’s a massive difference between the two.
Nice, by definition, means being polite and agreeable—and hopefully we can agree that’s a ridiculously low bar. Think of the worst human being you know (this process shouldn’t take you too long).
I guarantee you that even that person can mutter a “please” and “thank you” once in a while.
Surface-level politeness isn’t my beef with niceness.
My beef is that nice people often avoid necessary conversations, fail to set boundaries, and consistently choose comfort over courage. In doing so, they set an unhelpful example that being a doormat while simultaneously being an enabler of toxic behavior is something to be admired.
Kindness, on the other hand, is about genuinely caring about others’ well-being. And unlike niceness, it requires strength.
Don’t believe me? Below are examples of the uncommon strength required to practice real kindness:
👉🏾 It takes strength to build meaningful relationships with people who don’t look like you do or love like you do, instead of letting cable news, social media, or random strangers with a megaphone shape your opinions for you.
👉🏾 It takes strength to prioritize mental health in a world that rewards rugged individualism, hustle culture, and the bizarre flex to “sleep when you’re dead.”
👉🏾 It takes strength to take a stand against unkind behavior, even when doing so could affect your relationships, your career, and possibly, your safety.
👉🏾 It takes strength to consistently show up with small acts of kindness when hopelessness and helplessness convince you that your efforts won’t make a shred of difference when the world is on fire.
👉🏾 It takes strength to hold the closest people in your life accountable for their harmful behavior instead of making excuses for them.
👉🏾 It takes strength to give a damn about issues that don’t affect you personally.
So when people say they’re “too nice,” what they’re really saying is that they’re avoiding the hard work of kindness. They’re choosing the easy path of superficial pleasantries over the challenging path of making the world a better place by genuinely caring about others.
Real talk, society doesn’t need more nice people—it needs more kind people.
And yes, you can be too nice, but it is impossible to be too kind.
Please stop asking yourself “am I being too nice?”
The real question we need to be asking ourselves in these times is “do I have the strength to be kind?” ❤️